Like many, I doubted and questioned God’s existence. Prior to my near-death experience, I was very rebellious, defiant, living care-free and wanted absolutely nothing to do with the institution of religion. Therefore, after dying and entering back into the earthly realm, I found myself scared, shocked, and confused faced with an overabundance of questions. Of course the primary one being...why me?! I wasn’t sure how to transition from a total life of sin (living a reckless lifestyle) to one of accountability, holiness, and righteousness. Therefore, I kept quiet to alleviate judgment. It was easier that way. It was less scrutiny to endure. And, I didn't have to be a target of ridicule or engage in exhausting conversations to prove God is actually real.Being a private person, I was terrified to reveal such a personal experience. It would require opening up about my life, my death, and failures. Who wants to do that?! Ultimately, it would mean sharing every aspect of my life with the world. Believe me, there's a major expectation and cross to bear when you've been blessed to have such an experience. Then, factor in the ultimate blessing to hear our creator's voice! It was overwhelming. It was riveting. And, I was petrified!
For a long time, I struggled with my experience. I wasn't sure what God wanted me to do with our encounter. I simply thought that he wanted me to change the way I had lived from a reckless platform to forming a closer relationship with him. Yet, as I silently continued my walk, I realized that more was required. I wasn't fulfilling my purpose. I wrote television and film treatments for Independent Producers and still felt unfulfilled. I went through my daily life and it felt like something was missing. Then, I decided to step out on faith. I felt the holy spirit pushing me. I actually wrote a book about my experience after my friend pressed me for months. It's funny how even after I completed the book, I still put it off. I didn't pitch it out of fear. Until, I met a middle aged editor from rural Iowa. That's when I had an ah-ha moment! I knew she would be perfect from a contrast perspective. She was a Christian and less likely to think my claim was insane. But could she relate? Especially considering my experience dealt with growing up in Detroit as a teen, exposed to the fast life, violence, peer-pressure, drug dealers, drive by shootings, teen deaths, teen pregnancies and the list goes on. But, when she called that same night and told me that she couldn't put my book down (finishing it the same evening). I knew it was a story that had to be told.
Please understand, if you are struggling with your spiritual walk, that you are not alone. I continue to pray and grow stronger as I prepare to take the main stage in sharing my story. Thank you for following me on this journey. I welcome your comments and encouragement. Please be sure to share this page on your Facebook, Twitter, Blog, and email. Word of mouth is truly the best way to share God's goodness and his word.
Stay tuned and be blessed!
T. Marie Bell
Posted by T. Marie Bell